Almost two and a half years ago when I did my first Whole 30, I discovered that what I had suspected for so long was true. I could not eat gluten. I had a food allergy. I found out when I reintroduced my favorite foods back into my diet and felt all of my old ailments returning left and right. Mentally, I was in a good place. I felt really good and had lost about 50 lbs. It was easy to let everything I knew and loved to eat go. It was difficult at times, very difficult. But I did it. I had mishaps here and there as I was learning my way trough the gluten free world. New terms to understand, new ingredients that I had no idea were contaminating me.
Two years went by and I really advocated for myself and what I needed to stay healthy. I berated my family members who have Celiac Disease and were not taking care of themselves.
In March of this year, I fell of the wagon.
I was out to dinner with new people I had never really hung out with and didn’t want to be difficult. I had a slice of New York City pizza (ok, a phew slices). It was heavenly. Just like I remembered. By the time we left the restaurant, my stomach had already swelled to about the same size of a 4-5 month pregnant belly. I hadn’t even drank that night, but felt loopy and confused as if I had just really had a great time with a bottle of wine or two.
I vowed I wouldn’t do it again.
I had another get together at the end of March, again with new people I had never met before at Talulas. There were a few things I could have eaten on the menu, but we were ordering family style and again, I didn’t want to be that person. Pizza, bread, donuts. Delicious and easy.
This was just a downward spiral. I spent the entire month of April not caring. We went to Myrtle Beach and we all know how difficult eating on the road is to begin with, add in a food allergy and it can seem daunting and impossible.
I have now spent the entire month of May saying, NO MORE and then relapsing again. I just cannot seem to stop now. I’m so upset with myself. You see, for someone like myself this is detrimental to my health.
I am confused. I cannot get tasks done. I have been irritable and grouchy. I keep getting lost, even to places that I always go to. Migraines. Light Bladder Leakage. Let’s not even talk about the situation going on with my bowels, because that is just all out embarrassing. My joints hurt, every single one of them, to the point I can barely even type this.
It’s just sometimes, I want to feel “normal”. I don’t want to have to explain to the waiter or the people I am with why I cannot eat X,Y, and Z. I don’t want to be the difficult one.
I hate having a food allergy.